My Grandma Said I Should Write a Book

It would be like the “Ghetto Hikes” website, but not nearly as funny. There isn’t much kids can say about the environment when their surroundings consist of ugly blue walls and a couple windows. I have genuinely enjoyed work since I’ve been there with the exception of two days. After I thought about it, the days that feel like work are typically the days that I feel as if I’m not making an impact or that I’ve been causing harm.

I had a rough chain of events this week. A lot of the clients go home for Christmas and then return to the facility once their pass has ended. They must be thoroughly checked in so that they cannot bring anything in they’re not supposed to. I checked in a client along with the help of a supervisor from another unit. Despite these precautions, the client brought in a razor blade and used it to inflict self-harm. That night I was able to use my first aid training and earned some overtime sitting in the ER until 3:30AM. We checked the client in again when we returned from the hospital. The next shift I worked two days later, I was responsible for failing to immediately notice the client using scissors to remove the stitches… Rough days.

Working has given me more motivation and conviction to apply for clinical mental health programs – maybe “motivation” is a strong word. I’m working on figuring out how to manage my time with a full-time job that actually enables me to have daylight hours to accomplish something. So far that has been sleep, spinning, running, and miscellaneous lounging. My solution is to start making to-do lists for each day with a day of flexibility. I never know when I’ll be up until 4:30AM…

What’s Next?

Tomorrow I start my new job. I suspect it will be eight hours hanging out in a room while I become oriented to policies and schedules and insurance and whatever other vital company information I need to know. Tuesday is the first day I’ll be shadowing in my unit. I have a unit. When I think of having a unit, it makes me feel like my job matters. Ironically, this morning my mom and I were watching an episode of “Law & Order” in which the bad guys were doctors working in a residential treatment center for kids with autism. They were completely sold that their treatment was ethical and that it resulted in the reduction of symptoms for the kids and was therefore in their best interest. In short, there is a lot of danger in having conviction in something without periodically engaging in genuine reflection on the matter. So I’ll be keeping this in mind as I start something new.

Speaking of new things, the reason I wanted to write this tonight was because I’m uncertain whether or not my most prominent thoughts about my future are currently helpful or unhelpful. Before I even received the job, I was planning. When I go on long runs with my friend Kim, a lot of our time is spent discussing what aspects of my planning are debilitating to me in the moment. I think the most questionable thought is about school – my deadline for myself is to be in a program by the fall of 2015. This seems like an infinite amount of time for me. I’ll have an opportunity to explore career paths where I’ll be working as well as elsewhere and figure out the best degree to pursue to get there.

I do this “what’s next” business in running too. I had intentions of running the Turkey Trot before I even ran the Cleveland Half-Marathon in May. I already suspect my next race after this 5-mile run will be the Chili Bowl 5K. I have an excel spreadsheet of mileage and workouts I wish to accomplish weeks in advance. Working at a daycare and being sick three times in two months has made a schedule tough to follow, but I’m happy to report I successfully finished ten yesterday morning.

I want to make some spinning workouts and read more. I’m on a reading kick right now. But I just really want to pose the question: What is the difference between constructive and destructive planning?